Globalisation
Exemplar C: No Credit

We are keen to expand the range of exemplars for this unit to reflect the diversity of achievement. If any of your students produce work in response to this unit which you feel would provide a useful exemplar, we would be very grateful if you would be prepared to share it here. We are particularly interested in work just on either side of achieved/not achieved. Please contact the project director.

US 8825 Version 4
Produce transactional written text in complex forms.

Deeper features:
Performance criteria assessing:

    * ideas [1.1]
    * sequencing; examples [1.2]
    * structure; style [1.3]

Develops some relevant ideas about lowering fat, sugar and salt content.

Some attempt to develop an argument.

Meets pc 1.1 [borderline].

Writing is not sequenced.

Main points are generalised and rambling. Although there are some relevant details and examples, they are not logically integrated into the argument

Does not meet pc 1.2.
Paragraphed structure is used, but sequencing is disjointed.

Does not meet pc 1.3.

Writing is not controlled. Weak syntax and muddled expression throughout.

Does not meet pc 1.3.

	Should food manufacturers be forced to lower the fat, sugar and salt content in food?

A significant number of people are obese and dying prematurely. Some people said that it caused by eating foods high in fat and sugar but my opinion is not only for eating foods high in fat. I think people's incorrect life pattern affect to premature death such as lack of exercise. I intend to show that it is not good way the food manufacturers forced to lower the fat, sugar and salt content in food.

Firstly, sugar and salt are very important materials of food when people cook their meal, also food manufacturers as well, because it helps food more delicious and it tastes attract the people who do not like to eat. Then how do you think that when food manufacturers may use less amount of sugar and salt than before. According to research, a person needs 5-10% of sugar per a day, because a fit amount of sugar helps brain's work. So people can work actively, and also when people are sad or happy, it makes feel better. There are two kinds of food which contain in high fat or sugar and the one contain in low fat and sugar. In supermarket people can buy whatever they want. If food manufacturers are forced to lower sugar and fat, It tastes will be bad, so it becomes a disadvantage to people who think important of taste.

Secondly, food manufacturers need a lot of money and also need much efforts when make foods in low fat and sugar, because they have to provide high quality and better taste. So when they make a food in low fat and sugar, they have to use the other materials instead of sugar and salt and also they have to manage the taste of food as original food. Therefore it will be quite harsh to food manufacturers, because they should give satisfaction to consumer by high quality and better services.

Lastly, there are two kinds of foods which content in high or low fat and sugar. These foods are made by different method. Also another different things they have. That is price. The foods content in low fat and sugar is as much expensive than as foods content in high fat and sugar, because when food manufacturers made the food in low fat and sugar, they really more care about material of food and taste. So they work harder and carefully than people make foods in high fat and sugar. Therefore they need a lot of money and time to make food in low fat and sugar so if food manufacturers are forced to lower the fat, sugar and salt content in food, costs of product will be increase and also consumer will not afford it often.

In conclusion. A significant number of people are obese. However this is only caused by eating foods high in fat and sugar. Several factors make people obese such as lack of exercise. So if food manufacturers are forced to lower the fat and sugar, it is unfair to people who think more important of taste and people who care their health instead of food; and also it gives disadvantage to people such as if the cost of product increase, consumer will not afford it frequently. Therefore I suggest that when food manufacturers made their food they use a fit amount of fat, sugar and salt and also people eat a fit amount of fat and sugar. This will not harm their health; and also these problem never occur.	Surface features:
Performance criterion assessing:
Technical features [1.4]:

    * spelling
    * punctuation
    * grammar

[Pc 1.4 "writing is at publication standard" is identical to achievement level for the conventions criterion of the formal writing achievement standard 90376: "use writing conventions accurately."]
Intrusive level of grammatical errors throughout.

Does not meet pc 1.4. *[see note at end of exemplar]

* For pc1.4, "writing is at publication standard" means that writing conventions must be used accurately.

Assessment of pc1.4 should not be based on a counting or ranking of errors. Several combinations of reasons may result in a piece not meeting the standard. Some random errors are acceptable. Repeated or significant error patterns in syntax [eg: sentence fragments - where structures are not used intentionally; and 'run on' syntax]; or other patterns of significant error [eg: mixed tense sequences; punctuation or spelling errors] will result in writing that does not meet the standard for this criterion.
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