Globalisation
Exemplar A: Credit

We are keen to expand the range of exemplars for this unit to reflect the diversity of achievement. If any of your students produce work in response to this unit which you feel would provide a useful exemplar, we would be very grateful if you would be prepared to share it here. We are particularly interested in work just on either side of achieved/not achieved. Please contact the project director.

US 8825 Version 4
Produce transactional written text in complex forms.

Deeper features:
Performance criteria assessing:

    * ideas [1.1]
    * sequencing; examples [1.2]
    * structure; style [1.3]

Develops relevant ideas about lowering fat, sugar and salt content.

Meets pc 1.1.

Overall, an appropriate style and vocabulary is used, although crafting could be improved in some sentences: eg: sentence beginning: "For instance, if the salt and fat content has reduced in hamburger..."

Meets pc 1.3 [borderline]

Sequences writing.
Includes relevant examples.

Meets pc 1.2.
Essay follows an appropriate paragraphed structure with:

    * An introductory paragraph that states the writer's position on the topic
    * Three paragraphs developing relevant points linked to this position
    * A conclusion re-affirming the writer's position. 

Meets pc 1.3.
	Should food manufacturers be forced to lower the fat, sugar and salt content in food?

Food has been acting a specific part of our daily life and it is directly related to people's health. There are many people suffering from health problems including heart disease and high blood pressure as the result of lacking the essential nutrients and an excessive intake of food high in fat, sugar and salt content. To force food manufacturers to reduce the content of fat, sugar and salt in food sounds like a good method, but in fact this would not help people change their eating patterns. Nevertheless, it may induce people to eat more.

Most people have understood the danger of taking too much junk food which contains high amount of fat, sugar and salt. It is their freedom to choose what they want to eat or buy. It is well known that eating excessive junk foods may have harmful effect for the human body, so why should the government force food manufacturers to lower the fat, sugar and salt content in food? In other words, the government do not need to make the decision for the consumers who make choises by themselves. For example, most people will consider if the food which they want to buy is good for their body before they buy it. People have the ability to make their own choices.

Furthermore, to drop the fat, sugar and salt content in the food may induce people to eat more food in order to satisfy their desire. As the food become tasteless, those people would try to eat more because they can not be satisfied. For instance, if the salt and fat content has reduced in hamburger the consumer would eat more hamburgers instead of eating less, because the consumers are not satisfied by these hamburgers which are tasteless.

Lastly, the content in food is not the only reason which causes health problems. To have a healthy body, sufficient sleep and exercise are also necessary. The person who eat all healthy food but lack enough sleep and exercise will not have good health. Enough sleep, sufficient exercise and nutritious food are all important for good health. In the modern time, most people are busy at their business and work all the day. To have enough sleep and exercise is almost impossible for them. Those people may eat lots of nutritious food, but it would be useless because those food can not be digested and absorbed well as the result of lacking sufficient sleep and exercise.

In conclusion, food manufacturers should not be forced to lower the content of the fat, sugar and salt in food. The consumers can decide what is good for their body. The government should really focus on teaching people not to eat food high in fat, sugar and salt. Otherwise the eating patterns of taking food high in fat, sugar and salt will not be changed.	Surface features:
Performance criterion assessing:
Technical features [1.4]:

    * spelling
    * punctuation
    * grammar

[Pc 1.4 "writing is at publication standard" is identical to achievement level for the conventions criterion of the formal writing achievement standard 90376: "use writing conventions accurately."]
Writing conventions [grammar, punctuation and spelling] are used sufficiently accurately. There are some grammatical errors [word omission; number; subject/verb agreement], but the error pattern is just acceptable. *[see note at end of exemplar]

Meets pc 1.4. [borderline]

* For pc1.4, "writing is at publication standard" means that writing conventions must be used accurately.

Assessment of pc1.4 should not be based on a counting or ranking of errors. Several combinations of reasons may result in a piece not meeting the standard. Some random errors are acceptable. Repeated or significant error patterns in syntax [eg: sentence fragments - where structures are not used intentionally; and 'run on' syntax]; or other patterns of significant error [eg: mixed tense sequences; punctuation or spelling errors] will result in writing that does not meet the standard for this criterion.