You Be The Judge

Exemplar C: Not Achieved

We are keen to expand the range of exemplars for this unit to reflect the diversity of achievement. If any of your students produce work in response to this unit which you feel would provide a useful exemplar, we would be very grateful if you would be prepared to share it here. We are particularly interested in work just on either side of achieved/not achieved. Please contact the project director.

Achievement Standard 90376 version 2
Produce crafted and developed formal transactional writing.

Deeper features:
Performance criteria assessing:
- ideas
- crafting
- structure.

Writing is not crafted:
- awkward expression in several places
- incorrect/ inappropriate word choices
Ideas are not developed: Muddled, superficial comments on aspects of the film.

Insufficient supporting detail.

Writing uses a paragraphed structure, but with significant weaknesses:
- jumbled introduction
- attempt made to express points in paragraphs. Paragraphs not well linked.
- weak conclusion: minimal overview / summation.	Film Review: To Kill a Mockingbird Director: Robert Mulligan

The film "To Kill A Mockingbird" by Robert Mulligan was about the life of an American family members were the father Atticus, the maid Calpurnia and two children Scout and Jem. I think the movie was average. The plot was simple, not so exciting. However, the characters' action was wonderful, the themes were clear, and the sound track was great.

I really like the character Scout's action. She was a tomboy in the story, and she acted really like a boy. On the first school day, she had to wear the skirt which made her uncomfortable. Her acting showed us her embarrassment. She hidden her body behind the wall, and there was no excitement of the first school day on her face. She acted as she really did not like the skirt. One night, she went to the scary house with Jem and their friend Dill. When Jem was approaching the house, the shadow was moving to him. She gazed at the shadow, her eyes were full of fear. So I think action was really good.

The sound track played a great part in the film. The music changed with the plots. For example, when the three kids Scout, Jem and Dill went to the scary house "The Radleys", the music sounded scary, as if something terrible would happen suddenly. In the courtroom, the black man Tom Robinson was sentenced to prison. All the black people seemed very sad. The music sounded sorrowful as well, it was like a funeral song. It made the audience feel sympathetic with Tom. So I think the sound track was important.

In the movie, one theme was the racism. The discrimination between black and white people was serious. In the courtroom, white people sat on the first floor, nearby the front. However, black people were only allowed to sit on the second floor. They were crowd, and some of them did not have seats. This showed us the inequality between white and black people.

Another theme was we should never kill mockingbirds. I realized that mockingbirds do not hurt people or eat crops, as Atticus said, "they come to the garden, the only thing they do is singing for people." In the movie, Tom Robinson and Boo were the two "mockingbirds". Tom Robinson did not do anything harmful, but he was sent to prison. That should not happen. Boo was a kind man. In order to protect Scout and Jem, he killed Mr Ewell, who was trying to kill the two kids. He killed Mr Ewell reasonably, so Atticus tried to protect him, not punish him.

In conclusion, it was not a bad film. The storyline was simple, however, the characters' acting was pretty good. So I think it was average. I recommend children watch the film, they may enjoy it, because the main characters were kids, they played an important part in the film.	Surface features:
Performance criterion assessing conventions:
- spelling
- punctuation
- grammar

NB: achievement level for the conventions criterion of the formal writing achievement standard 90376: "use writing conventions accurately" is identical to Pc 1.4 of unit standard 8825 Produce transactional written text in complex forms: "writing is at publication standard."

Writing conventions are not used accurately throughout:
intrusive errors in syntax throughout.

NB: a few random errors, or minor editing lapses, are acceptable.	

* Writing conventions must be used accurately.

Assessment of this criterion should not be based on a counting or ranking of errors. Several combinations of reasons may result in a piece not meeting the standard. Some random errors are acceptable. Repeated or significant error patterns in syntax [eg: sentence fragments - where structures are not used intentionally; and 'run on' syntax]; or other patterns of significant error [eg: mixed tense sequences; punctuation or spelling errors] will result in writing that does not meet the standard for this criterion.