You Be The Judge
Exemplar B: Achieved

We are keen to expand the range of exemplars for this unit to reflect the diversity of achievement. If any of your students produce work in response to this unit which you feel would provide a useful exemplar, we would be very grateful if you would be prepared to share it here. We are particularly interested in work just on either side of achieved/not achieved. Please contact the project director.
Achievement Standard 90376 version 2
Produce crafted and developed formal transactional writing.

Deeper features:
Performance criteria assessing:
- ideas
- crafting
- structure.

Ideas are developed and supported:
A number of straightforward points made about the film, supported with relevant examples.
Just meets the standard for the ideas criterion [borderline].

Writing is structured:
- an introduction
- paragraphed comments on the storyline; music; costume; cinematography
- a conclusion which sums up the writer's opinion of the film and refers back to aspects of the film dealt with earlier.

Writing is sufficiently crafted:
reasonably clear expression and appropriate language use.
Some variety of syntax and diction, although crafting could be improved in some sentences:
[eg: by correcting shift from third to second person]:
"I would recommend Monsoon Wedding to anyone, but I would recommend people to see the film with your family."
Meets the standard for the crafting criterion.	Film Review: Monsoon Wedding
Director: Mira Nair

The film Monsoon Wedding is a comedy drama directed by Mira Nair, India's favourite female director. The film was set in New Delhi, India. Two thirds of the film was shot in a farm house outside the city. This is a story about a daughter who must have an arranged marriage. She agrees to marry someone she is not in love with, as she is in love with somebody else.

Aditi (Vasudhara Das) is an Indian girl. She is Lalit's (Naseerudlin Shah) only daughter. She loves Vikhram who is married, but her father Lalit doesn't know it and arranges for her to marry Hemant. Hemant is also an Indian, working as an engineer in Houston USA. At first Aditi continues the relationship with Vikhram, but two days before the wedding she goes out to meet Vikhram and realises that he doesn't love her. Aditi decides to be honest and tells Hemant she used to love someone else. Hemant is angry but he appreciates her honesty. Love is important in this film. There are two other adult love stories between P.K. Dubey (Vijay Raaz) who works as the wedding planner and Alice (Tilotama Shome) who works for Aditi's family. There is also the love between the teenagers Rahul Chadha (Randeep Hoodal) and Ayesha Verma (Neha Dubey).

The music is very important in Monsoon Wedding. They help us to understand Indian culture and brings it to the foreground. There are so many types of songs such as ghazals, traditional Indian love songs, which are used when P.K. Dubey proposes to Alice. The music is always played in the background and adds energy and excitement to the film. People are dancing and singing with the authentic Indian music before the wedding. Jazz and Bhangra music is used in the wedding scene. The Indian music helps to show us the joy and happiness of the people. However, when Lalit tells Tej Puri to leave, the music stops to give the scene more impact.

Another element of the film which is just as important as music, is costume. There are traditional Indian costumes in the film that show their culture and position in society. Sari, traditional Indian dress, is worn most of the time, especially in the wedding scene. It helps to reminds us how important to keep their culture alive and makes us connect with the Indian culture. Many women wear jewellery making them look more beautiful and special. The jangling of gold jewellery helps to show the building excitement of the family celebration. Men wear white traditional clothes at the wedding for photos and they also wear turbans. These costumes show us that the tradition has been kept.

Cinematography has a big impact on the film Monsoon Wedding. The film is shot on a super 16mm hand held camera and it brings the audience closer to the action. A two person shot is used to show the strength in the faces when Aditi tells Hemant that she is in love with Vikhram. It highlights Aditi's sorrow and Hemant's anger very well. A close-up is used when Lalit tells Tej Puri, his brother in law, to leave. It shows us the strong expression on his face. As Tej Puri leaves, the camera shows the other family members so that we can see their reaction to Tej Puri's shame. There is also a good sequence of shots of New Delhi at night and at day that shows that the city is beautiful and special (unique) and also the poverty and wealth.

I would recommend Monsoon Wedding to anyone, but I would recommend people to see the film with your family. You will be impressed with the importance of family, which is one of the main ideas of the film. The other main ideas of the film are that you can love if you are young or old and that we should keep tradition though global culture has changed. The music, costume and cinematography make this film very believable. Finally, Monsoon Wedding is a impressive and successful movie.	Surface features:
Performance criterion assessing conventions:
- spelling
- punctuation
- grammar

NB: achievement level for the conventions criterion of the formal writing achievement standard 90376: "use writing conventions accurately" is identical to Pc 1.4 of unit standard 8825 Produce transactional written text in complex forms: "writing is at publication standard."
Writing conventions [grammar, punctuation and spelling] are used sufficiently accurately. There are some minor grammatical errors, but the error pattern is acceptable. *[see note at end of exemplar]

Meets the standard for the conventions criterion.

* Writing conventions must be used accurately.

Assessment of this criterion should not be based on a counting or ranking of errors. Several combinations of reasons may result in a piece not meeting the standard. Some random errors are acceptable. Repeated or significant error patterns in syntax [eg: sentence fragments - where structures are not used intentionally; and 'run on' syntax]; or other patterns of significant error [eg: mixed tense sequences; punctuation or spelling errors] will result in writing that does not meet the standard for this criterion.