Yes...but: Unit Standard 8812

Exemplar A: Credit

 “Boy racers should be banned from our roads.”

Surface features:
Achievement criteria assessing: 
Technical features:
•	spelling
•	punctuation
•	grammar
•	paragraphing

Deeper features:
Achievement criteria assessing: 
•	ideas
•	sequencing; examples
•	structure; style

It’s 11.30pm and you’re exhausted. You finished your shift at the supermarket half an hour ago and have crawled home to bed. As you drift off to sleep, the silence is shattered by roaring exhausts, screeching tyres, and booming car stereos. There is no question in your mind about whether boy racers should be banned from the road, or even something more permanent.

Develops relevant ideas about the topic.
Integrates information from sources:
•	Documentary
•	Feature article

Sequences writing. 
Uses: 
•	an introduction
•	a paragraph agreeing with the issue [‘Yes’]
•	a paragraph offering an alternative view on the issue [‘But’]
•	a paragraph putting forward ways of tackling the issue
•	a conclusion

Includes relevant examples.

Uses technical features without intrusive errors.

Boy racers should be banned because they are irresponsible and dangerous. The danger they pose to themselves and to the community is clear from the number of serious accidents that young drivers are involved in. For instance in a documentary called ‘Point of Impact’, a young Chinese student was killed when she was run down and killed by a boy racer travelling at over 160 kilometres per hour in a 50 kmh area. Killing an innocent person was bad enough, but what was worse was that the driver involved tried to hide what he had done by pretending that the car had been stolen. Anyone who behaves in this way cannot expect to be allowed to use the road.

On the other hand, an interest in cars does not necessarily go hand in hand with irresponsible behaviour on the road. This was illustrated in an article in The Press about young people who work hard and enjoy spending their money on developing their cars to a high standard rather than wrecking them. They drive responsibly and sensibly because they are keen to look after their cars. There is no reason that young people cannot have an interest in cars. 

Uses an appropriate style, including connectives [shown in bold]  to develop points.

Uses an appropriate paragraphed structure.

One way of approaching the boy racer issue could be to take a positive approach. Instead of banning boy racers from the roads, why not provide them with a place that they want to use?  Developing a burn out pad away from housing and business areas could be a good investment. It would be a more productive way of spending money than on the extra policing needed to if boy racers only have the streets. 

It would be better to ban those boy racers who really can only be described as dangerous drivers. The majority of young people in cars do not deserve that description and therefore should be treated as responsible road users.

From task 1:

a.	Read exemplar A. Look at how exemplar A is structured as follows:

•	an introduction to engage the reader [in this case, with a brief scenario exploring what the issue might mean for a fictional individual: 
eg: “As you drift off to sleep, the silence is shattered by roaring exhausts, screeching tyres, and booming car stereos…”

•	a ‘Yes’ paragraph supporting the topic:
. eg: “Boy racers should be banned because they are irresponsible and dangerous.”

•	a ‘But’ paragraph presenting another viewpoint on the topic:
.eg: “On the other hand, an interest in cars does not necessarily go hand in hand with irresponsible behaviour on the road.”

•	a paragraph presenting ways of tackling the issue:
eg: “One way of approaching the boy racer issue could be to take a positive approach.”

•	a conclusion that makes a final comment on the topic:
eg “The majority of young people in cars do not deserve that description and therefore should be treated as responsible road users.”

© Ministry of Education, Wellington, New Zealand (First published 1998)